Year 9

To sum up Year 9 I would say it has been a roller coaster, simple as that.

My group has grown up maybe that tiny amount over last summer so we have all come back to school more relaxed and easy going. There have been incidents, bad ones, where friendship limits have been tested such as when my friends got suspended back in September, when I got internally excluded in December and when there was once again a big fight between the same people.

I have an extremely close friendship yet gained more. I have made more friends outside my group, unintentionally and got closer to other people in the group who I wasn't necessarily as close as before.


I have seen a sun rise with my best friend, I have spoken to my family in South Africa and kept contact. I have lost a sort of family member who will always be missed. I have learnt that sometimes you need to be away from the people you love, but it doesn't mean you love them any less, sometimes it means you love them even more.

I have made best friends with certain new or old people that I just never realised were right there. My work this year has been better and I am proud of it but it does go down to my mentor Mrs B-P. Mrs B-P saw the diamond underneath my and she is polishing me until I shine and I can't thank her enough for her constant work that she does with me.



Looking back on my first official day of summer, this year really has gone fast. It may not have seemed like it when I was in the midst of it all. When I was at my very worst the day seemed to be dragging on for ever but when I have been having fun with my friends, the weeks are flying by. This year I think I have matured in a certain way as that I know now who I am and what I'm able to offer people. I have learnt how to walk away from something even though it hurts me so much. I have learnt not to push away the ones I love. I think this year has been a good year and I am who I am now because of it.

My Big Black Cloud

When I was younger in reception, at the end of each week we used to all find a comfy spot on the carpet, close our eyes and the teacher would start the Cloud story. My teacher would say " think of your worry. Imagine it right in front of you. Now I want you to shout BOO at your worry. Scare your cloud so it starts to float away back to the moon where it won't happen anymore. Open your eyes now, your Big Black Cloud has disappeared". Just like that, our worries would go away. If you had a fight with your best friend, at the end of the cloud story you would be back to normal. That story solved everything.


I'm in Year 9 now with my very own Big Black Cloud hanging right over my head from the moment I wake up till the moment my eyes close and I'm in peace. I can't get rid of it by my teacher telling us all the Cloud story, I wish I could but I have learnt that things are never that simple.

My problem is formspring. I had it. My mum told me to get rid of it so I disabled it. I got it back as I love attention and this was one way of me receiving maybe unwanted attention but still attention. I have the same password for almost all sites such as blogger,msn, twitter,school email & account and then formspring. In my early days of formspring I got hacked quite badly and that person wrote on my friends formspring very weird and eccentric things which my friends obviously knew wasn't me. Stupidly enough, I never changed my password. A few days ago I received a lot of hate from what I can guess the same person. The person went on to say " I'll tell you everything I hate about your group if you want" they then proceeded to write what they disliked but I told my friends and we all took it as a joke. My friend Mide received some saying "watch out for the decem bitches" ( we used to call ourselves decem) and also " shaking in my boots, decem bitches on the loose".


Again it was taken as a joke and an inbox on Facebook was created by my friend so everyone in our group could know and we all found it hilarious so we made status' about it on Facebook. On Sunday night, it came up on Mides formspring that I had supposedly answered a question that I had sent myself. Mide being Mide told her best friend Sam as it involved both of them and that escalated into my group knowing and then almost the whole year. Once again Ladies and Gentlemen, A Lauren Senior Scandal. My so called friends think that I am such a looser that I write questions to myself on my formspring and I wrote that hate comment about what I hated in my group. It is all complete lies and I can't begin to understand where the person who was my ex-best friend, one of my best friends and maybe 1 or 2 others can believe that.


The "it" group is close with my group and they have found out and I am just generally scared and sick with fear and worry about what to do I haven't eaten properly and have been almost crying all the time when I'm on my own and have time to recap what is happening. My true friends know the truth and can believe me but it is just so shocking that the person I used to share everything with now believes this. I have made an appointment to see my school counsellor on Tuesday because she wasn't in this Tuesday, such bad luck. I know once again who my true friends in my group are, suprisingly enough the same people bar 4 others who are on my side and 2 others who I'm not too sure about.


I just want to run away from this whole big mess, maybe go to another school or another country but I know I can't do that, I have to face the problem up front no matter how much it kills me. I can wait another week no matter how slow and painful it will be. For now I leave you with well wishes while me and my Big Black Cloud go and tackle my history homeork. By the way, I got 82% in my history exam.. a good thing about today!

Wish

I wish you could see me now after 10 years

I wish you could see that I have never needed you nor am I going to need you

I wish you could see how we are so similar but so unlike

I wish you could have been there when I won sports day

I wish you could have watched me grow over the years

I wish you weren't there in Spain

I wish you could see how much I try to forget about you

I wish you could tell how much I despise you and everything you stand for

I wish you could know that a part of me won't let go

Tomorow's just a mystery

"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me Cause I'm still trying to figure it out"

Taylor Swift is speaking my mind right now

I've been choosing my GCSE options for a few weeks now and even though I know what subjects I want to do, I'm so scared because they will help determine my future. The choices I reflect now will help me decide what my role to play in life is. Everyone seems to know what they want to do. One of my friends wants to do Forensic Science. Another wants to be a make-up artist. Most people I talk to have their minds set on their future, some may have a vague idea but they at least know the category they will place themselves in.

Me, I have no clue. I just want to do everything all the time.

It has sunk in that I won't be an Olympic gymnast but that dosen't mean I have to stay away from gymnastics. I love dance so much but I will never be in the Royal Acadamey of Ballet but that dosen't mean I have to stay away from dance. There are so many options because I consider myself to be Jack of all trades, master of none

All I want is for someone to come up to me and say "Right you are going to be..... and you will work..... Here is how you will get there" But that won't happen to me so right now and until I have an idea, I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world

Turn down the lights

So to my very few readers, I had a sudden thought last night. Do you know anything about me? Well obviously you do other wise that is quite creepy and please get off my page, if I do know you, well you may find out more then you knew for you see this particular post is going to tell all about me

I was born in 96' with the name Lauren which was soon to be abbreviated to Lo

I have a sister called Jess and we have a love/hate relationship. We don't always get on and we fight but I think we have an understanding. I'm not quite sure what that is but we do


My parents divorced when I was 4 and my Dad went to go live in Australia so my mum has been left to do EVERYTHING by herself. I don't know if I say this as much as I should but my mama is my inspiration. She is such a strong women and I'm so grateful to everything she has done for me that I'm almost crying right now because of how much I value her and how much she means to me(crying right now) We have our song by Taylor Swift "The best day" that is OUR song and we play it and sing it often enough so everyone around us knows that. I have had and will have the best days with my mama

I moved schools twice before I got to the one I'm at right now which I love so much. They have such great opportunities and can make you realize anything is possible, I blame RMS for the fact that I have no clue what to do with my life and the ideas I have are crazy like I want to be an Olympian

On the 19th January I become a year older each year, this year it was 14. One of my favourite Olympic gymnast has her birthday on the same day as mine, Shawn Johnson

I love my friends. I'm so lucky that I have such amazing ones and I have had my friendships with some of them since reception

I look at the world differently to most people. Sometimes it is a good way, other times like in some lessons at school, I can get into trouble for it

I seriously belong in Texas. Something about that place screams Lauren Senior all over it

I think it is really hard to be able to stereotype me into a certain person. I suprise myself by some days being very princess like and others as I just want to listen to Spencer Bell so please leave me alone

I don't think I have ever grown up from 5 years old, maybe it's because my best friends are like that too but I love it. Childhood never dies, it is still there in your heart wherever you go. I also don't think I want to grow up. I still stay up late with my friends and eat coke and mentos together and try to create an explosion in my mouth. I still laugh when my pasta makes a squelching noise. I hysterically laughed when my teacher said virgin the other day. "I tried being normal. Worst 5 minutes of my life"

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Spencer Bell, 100Monkeys, Shai Gabso, Taylor Swift, Brad Paisley

I think this blog post is too long now

Family

Family, the one thing that will never go away. All your friends could turn their backs on you and you dread going to school, you know that when you get home you are with your friends.

I love my family. No doubt about it. From my cousins in Australia right down to my third cousins who live quite near. They are the craziest people in the world who can always make anyone laugh or just be like oh my gosh because that is what we do.

I've grown up around my family, seeing them almost every Sunday, going on holidays with them and speaking almost every day. People say that the Internet is a bad thing, but when you have family in South Africa you realise that facebook is very good for that.
My second cousin has twitter and a blog like me so we get to talk on that which I love so much

It doesn't matter if in your house you have 10 people or 3 people. It doesn't matter if your daughter is in an English boarding school and you are in America. Family is family, nothing can change that.

My family have given me the greatest opportunities and have given me a good education so I can live my life when I'm older.

It doesn't matter whether you have a nice house, lots of money or you are a big Hollywood name. If you have a family that you love and know you love them too, you are the richest person in the world

The stars are mighty bright tonight

I'm the type of girl that will never give up on something I want

I'm the type of girl that follows the crowd 95%. That 5% follows myself

I'm the type of girl that has dreams and goals

I'm the type of girl that people go to for trouble, yet when it comes to me, I am helpless

I'm the type of girl that is silly enough to think that friendships last forever, clearly they don't

Im the type of girl who will play a song over and over then eventually get sick of it

I'm the type of girl that will pull all nighters on my own

I'm the type of 14 year old that hasn't smoked, I don't want too either

I'm the type of girl that won't cry until I am sure I am alone

I'm the type of girl that would jump on stage at a Brad Paisley concert

I'm the type of girl that cried at a Taylor Swift concert

I'm the type of girl that is starting to realise who I am

Tonight

So right now in England it is exactly 00:14 and it seems everyone is up.

I'm thinking of staying up all night as I'm not doing anything tomorrow and I always pull and all nighter at least once every holiday. One of the reasons I like staying up all night is that I can be awake when the first ray of light shines through my windows and continue to watch it grow, welcoming the new day

Another reason is that tonight even though I am pretty tired as I had a sleepover last night, I just can't really be bothered to go to bed. I like going to be late like when you come home from a party at like 2am or you have been somewhere special and you see that it is already morning, I like that. But for some reason when there is no need for me to be going to bed late like now for instance or on a school night, I prefer going to bed still late but early if you get me.


I really hope I pull through even though I will be ridiculously tired the next day, oh well!

I will blog some more throughout the night or morning to switch my brain on, so for now, good morning

Where are we now?

Okay so I have been through a LOT since I started year 9 in September. I have had a few mini fall outs with friends, had friends be suspended, made new ones. The biggest one however was what happened in December.

It is way to hard for me to even go there in my head to describe what happened and I cringe away from the thought each time my memory brings me back. All I can say is that it ended up from 80+ people talking to me to about 20 who were actually nice and stuck by me.

It was the worst month of my life yet I was all to blame. I remember I had to go to the San one lunch break the day after it all erupted because I was on my own in ICT and 4 girls from my group came in and didnt say anything. I knew I was about to break down into tears so I went to the San, told them I had just thrown up so I would get to stay up there. I spent from 1:10pm to home time at 4pm, non stop hysterically crying. I relied on about 5 girls from my usual 80+.


It was then that I lost my best friend. My sister that G-d didn't give me as our parents couldn't control us together, my second family. Entirely my fault yet I couldn't get my head around why that would happen

But another friend had had a bad fallout so we stuck together. When we came back from Christmas, I was with my group back to normal but me and this one girl were sticking together like best friends which is what we were.

Then that girl went and made up with the one she fell out from and once again I was left alone. It happened again and this time I felt no she won't do that to me. She did.

On form spring I got asked, " who's your best friend these days, it seems to change a lot". I guess its not just me who notices it

All I want to know is where are we now in our friendship. I don't want to ask because I'm afraid of the answer. As the feeling of rejections happens again.

Antisemitism

I know right, big word for me yet it is one type of behaviour that I feel most strongly about.

Antisemitism is a term used to describe prejudice against or hostility towards Jews, often rooted in hatred of their religious/cultural/ethnic background.

The Hebrews have gone through a lot in their past, from Egypt to the Holocaust but we are being attacked more and more on the web. It is usually by people who don't know what they are talking about but they think they do. They pick fights with the people who are trying to stop this behaviour and just end up looking stupid and naive.

One case happened last night on twitter when a tweeter said that Muslims needed there own person to stop hate, then when one the antisemitism web owners tried to say that what they needed was Muslims to stop promoting hate, that person lashed out.

Before you try and pick a fight with anyone, please at least have a story as to why you are doing what you are doing.

Little Dreams

Do you remember when you were a little girl and your mum or teacher would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up? My friends would say a princess, astronaut or a mermaid. I would always say a gymnast like the big girls.

Do you remember when you were about 8 years old and your mum or teacher would ask you what you wanted to be when you were older? My friends would say a hairdresser, ballet dancer, footballer, rugby player. I would always say an elite gymnast.

Do you remember when you were about 11 and your mum or friends would ask you what you wanted to be when you were older? My friends would say an actress, singer, vet. I would always say an Olympic gymnast.

Times have changed since I was 3 or 4 and wanting to be a mermaid. It comes with the realisation of growing up that it is really your parent drinking the milk left out for Santa. You won't turn back into your normal self if you come home later then midnight, you just get grounded. You will never be a mermaid, you will probably quit ballet after a few years and only some actually make it to be an actress.

All I wanted when I first started gymnastics was to have fun. Competing meant a new leotard, my hair done all pretty and glitter because everyone got a medal. All I wanted to do was gymnastics all day long. I would sit in box splits while watching TV and do forward roles all over the house. I was desperate to get a rip. My friends and I would take our medals into school to show our teacher or show her how long we could stay up in a handstand for. I would watch the big girls training and think " I want to be just like that".

Then things started to get hard and when you fell it hurt. No matter how hard I tried I just could not get that one move. Competitions became much more serious, it wasn't all about my hair or a new leotard, it was all about winning. Only a few girls got medals. Best friends start to disappear. The team becomes smaller. Some days I hated it. The pain just got worse. The conversations at school were about parties and boys. I couldn't join in. I just wanted to quit. At training one day, from the corner of my eye, I saw a little girl watching me. I realised how far I had actually come and how good I really was because a few years ago, that little girl was me.

I had been told throughout my gymnastics career that shooting for the moon is a long, hardworking, painful, lonely experience but it was possible. With the right attitude, people and mind, you may be on your way up in the rocket. I took that into account. While my friends had changed their minds about their occupations, mine has stayed the same. The only thing that has changed is that my little dream has turned into a big dream.

(not mine)

Judging

One of the things you learn growing up is "never judge a book by its cover" and you take it into account, you are still friends with the girl who needed a tissue 24/7, being friends with maybe not the best looking girl in class yet you don't care. When you start hitting 11,12,13 you start to realise that everyone judges books by their cover.

You sit in your class and look over at the girl with the long blond hair and the tiny frame and think, why can't I look like that?

The prettiest girls get the boys first, and why is that? Because we all get judged. Every day. Even if we don't notice it.

If you walk into Louis Vuitton looking really common, bad hair and you smell will you get served by the best people? No

The fact that the whole world judges people, even if some swear they don't puts the world down at some point in their life.


Some people listen to themselves rather then listening to what others might say. They remind us that once you set out on a path, even though critics may doubt you, if you know in your heart what is true, then that is all that matters




xoxo Lo

Bestfriends

From mud baths


To scented baths

I love you bestfriends

Seann

Well this is my first blog post to anyone who is crazy enough to read this. I had always thought about blogging because i used to have a journal but I soon got bored. After reading Sean Pangilinan's blog though, I got inspired and it wasn't until around 9:30am when I was sitting on the computer waiting for my mum to wake up and take me to school as I had missed my coach, that I felt I need one.

So if there is anyone out there who is going to be reading this, good luck

xoxo lo