My Big Black Cloud

When I was younger in reception, at the end of each week we used to all find a comfy spot on the carpet, close our eyes and the teacher would start the Cloud story. My teacher would say " think of your worry. Imagine it right in front of you. Now I want you to shout BOO at your worry. Scare your cloud so it starts to float away back to the moon where it won't happen anymore. Open your eyes now, your Big Black Cloud has disappeared". Just like that, our worries would go away. If you had a fight with your best friend, at the end of the cloud story you would be back to normal. That story solved everything.


I'm in Year 9 now with my very own Big Black Cloud hanging right over my head from the moment I wake up till the moment my eyes close and I'm in peace. I can't get rid of it by my teacher telling us all the Cloud story, I wish I could but I have learnt that things are never that simple.

My problem is formspring. I had it. My mum told me to get rid of it so I disabled it. I got it back as I love attention and this was one way of me receiving maybe unwanted attention but still attention. I have the same password for almost all sites such as blogger,msn, twitter,school email & account and then formspring. In my early days of formspring I got hacked quite badly and that person wrote on my friends formspring very weird and eccentric things which my friends obviously knew wasn't me. Stupidly enough, I never changed my password. A few days ago I received a lot of hate from what I can guess the same person. The person went on to say " I'll tell you everything I hate about your group if you want" they then proceeded to write what they disliked but I told my friends and we all took it as a joke. My friend Mide received some saying "watch out for the decem bitches" ( we used to call ourselves decem) and also " shaking in my boots, decem bitches on the loose".


Again it was taken as a joke and an inbox on Facebook was created by my friend so everyone in our group could know and we all found it hilarious so we made status' about it on Facebook. On Sunday night, it came up on Mides formspring that I had supposedly answered a question that I had sent myself. Mide being Mide told her best friend Sam as it involved both of them and that escalated into my group knowing and then almost the whole year. Once again Ladies and Gentlemen, A Lauren Senior Scandal. My so called friends think that I am such a looser that I write questions to myself on my formspring and I wrote that hate comment about what I hated in my group. It is all complete lies and I can't begin to understand where the person who was my ex-best friend, one of my best friends and maybe 1 or 2 others can believe that.


The "it" group is close with my group and they have found out and I am just generally scared and sick with fear and worry about what to do I haven't eaten properly and have been almost crying all the time when I'm on my own and have time to recap what is happening. My true friends know the truth and can believe me but it is just so shocking that the person I used to share everything with now believes this. I have made an appointment to see my school counsellor on Tuesday because she wasn't in this Tuesday, such bad luck. I know once again who my true friends in my group are, suprisingly enough the same people bar 4 others who are on my side and 2 others who I'm not too sure about.


I just want to run away from this whole big mess, maybe go to another school or another country but I know I can't do that, I have to face the problem up front no matter how much it kills me. I can wait another week no matter how slow and painful it will be. For now I leave you with well wishes while me and my Big Black Cloud go and tackle my history homeork. By the way, I got 82% in my history exam.. a good thing about today!

Wish

I wish you could see me now after 10 years

I wish you could see that I have never needed you nor am I going to need you

I wish you could see how we are so similar but so unlike

I wish you could have been there when I won sports day

I wish you could have watched me grow over the years

I wish you weren't there in Spain

I wish you could see how much I try to forget about you

I wish you could tell how much I despise you and everything you stand for

I wish you could know that a part of me won't let go

Tomorow's just a mystery

"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me Cause I'm still trying to figure it out"

Taylor Swift is speaking my mind right now

I've been choosing my GCSE options for a few weeks now and even though I know what subjects I want to do, I'm so scared because they will help determine my future. The choices I reflect now will help me decide what my role to play in life is. Everyone seems to know what they want to do. One of my friends wants to do Forensic Science. Another wants to be a make-up artist. Most people I talk to have their minds set on their future, some may have a vague idea but they at least know the category they will place themselves in.

Me, I have no clue. I just want to do everything all the time.

It has sunk in that I won't be an Olympic gymnast but that dosen't mean I have to stay away from gymnastics. I love dance so much but I will never be in the Royal Acadamey of Ballet but that dosen't mean I have to stay away from dance. There are so many options because I consider myself to be Jack of all trades, master of none

All I want is for someone to come up to me and say "Right you are going to be..... and you will work..... Here is how you will get there" But that won't happen to me so right now and until I have an idea, I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world

Turn down the lights

So to my very few readers, I had a sudden thought last night. Do you know anything about me? Well obviously you do other wise that is quite creepy and please get off my page, if I do know you, well you may find out more then you knew for you see this particular post is going to tell all about me

I was born in 96' with the name Lauren which was soon to be abbreviated to Lo

I have a sister called Jess and we have a love/hate relationship. We don't always get on and we fight but I think we have an understanding. I'm not quite sure what that is but we do


My parents divorced when I was 4 and my Dad went to go live in Australia so my mum has been left to do EVERYTHING by herself. I don't know if I say this as much as I should but my mama is my inspiration. She is such a strong women and I'm so grateful to everything she has done for me that I'm almost crying right now because of how much I value her and how much she means to me(crying right now) We have our song by Taylor Swift "The best day" that is OUR song and we play it and sing it often enough so everyone around us knows that. I have had and will have the best days with my mama

I moved schools twice before I got to the one I'm at right now which I love so much. They have such great opportunities and can make you realize anything is possible, I blame RMS for the fact that I have no clue what to do with my life and the ideas I have are crazy like I want to be an Olympian

On the 19th January I become a year older each year, this year it was 14. One of my favourite Olympic gymnast has her birthday on the same day as mine, Shawn Johnson

I love my friends. I'm so lucky that I have such amazing ones and I have had my friendships with some of them since reception

I look at the world differently to most people. Sometimes it is a good way, other times like in some lessons at school, I can get into trouble for it

I seriously belong in Texas. Something about that place screams Lauren Senior all over it

I think it is really hard to be able to stereotype me into a certain person. I suprise myself by some days being very princess like and others as I just want to listen to Spencer Bell so please leave me alone

I don't think I have ever grown up from 5 years old, maybe it's because my best friends are like that too but I love it. Childhood never dies, it is still there in your heart wherever you go. I also don't think I want to grow up. I still stay up late with my friends and eat coke and mentos together and try to create an explosion in my mouth. I still laugh when my pasta makes a squelching noise. I hysterically laughed when my teacher said virgin the other day. "I tried being normal. Worst 5 minutes of my life"

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Spencer Bell, 100Monkeys, Shai Gabso, Taylor Swift, Brad Paisley

I think this blog post is too long now

Family

Family, the one thing that will never go away. All your friends could turn their backs on you and you dread going to school, you know that when you get home you are with your friends.

I love my family. No doubt about it. From my cousins in Australia right down to my third cousins who live quite near. They are the craziest people in the world who can always make anyone laugh or just be like oh my gosh because that is what we do.

I've grown up around my family, seeing them almost every Sunday, going on holidays with them and speaking almost every day. People say that the Internet is a bad thing, but when you have family in South Africa you realise that facebook is very good for that.
My second cousin has twitter and a blog like me so we get to talk on that which I love so much

It doesn't matter if in your house you have 10 people or 3 people. It doesn't matter if your daughter is in an English boarding school and you are in America. Family is family, nothing can change that.

My family have given me the greatest opportunities and have given me a good education so I can live my life when I'm older.

It doesn't matter whether you have a nice house, lots of money or you are a big Hollywood name. If you have a family that you love and know you love them too, you are the richest person in the world

The stars are mighty bright tonight

I'm the type of girl that will never give up on something I want

I'm the type of girl that follows the crowd 95%. That 5% follows myself

I'm the type of girl that has dreams and goals

I'm the type of girl that people go to for trouble, yet when it comes to me, I am helpless

I'm the type of girl that is silly enough to think that friendships last forever, clearly they don't

Im the type of girl who will play a song over and over then eventually get sick of it

I'm the type of girl that will pull all nighters on my own

I'm the type of 14 year old that hasn't smoked, I don't want too either

I'm the type of girl that won't cry until I am sure I am alone

I'm the type of girl that would jump on stage at a Brad Paisley concert

I'm the type of girl that cried at a Taylor Swift concert

I'm the type of girl that is starting to realise who I am

Tonight

So right now in England it is exactly 00:14 and it seems everyone is up.

I'm thinking of staying up all night as I'm not doing anything tomorrow and I always pull and all nighter at least once every holiday. One of the reasons I like staying up all night is that I can be awake when the first ray of light shines through my windows and continue to watch it grow, welcoming the new day

Another reason is that tonight even though I am pretty tired as I had a sleepover last night, I just can't really be bothered to go to bed. I like going to be late like when you come home from a party at like 2am or you have been somewhere special and you see that it is already morning, I like that. But for some reason when there is no need for me to be going to bed late like now for instance or on a school night, I prefer going to bed still late but early if you get me.


I really hope I pull through even though I will be ridiculously tired the next day, oh well!

I will blog some more throughout the night or morning to switch my brain on, so for now, good morning